well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize