You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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