i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
