Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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