Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
