weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
