Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
