Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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