Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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