she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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