Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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