someone threw a dead crab at me
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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