Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
