I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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