I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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