Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
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your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
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Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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