hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
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The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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