Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
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