all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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