I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
