I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
