I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
