You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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