i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
