i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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