Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
