Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
