I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Soap is not a condiment
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
