9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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