Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
