My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
