OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
