I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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