i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Houston, we have a squirter
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
