At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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