when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
