but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
