1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
