shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
