no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
