Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
another moral hangover. fuck.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
