im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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