How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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