i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I need moral support for this bender
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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