dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
