The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
