turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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