I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
