i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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