Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
