His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
