So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
