I showed him my bush... on skype.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
