im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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