Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize