If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
