You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
