Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
lol hangovers are for mortals.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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