So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
