I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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