Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
