Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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