It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize