I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
